A Polite Correspondance
by GilbertOfPrussia
Summary: Arthur Kirkland's letters to the world, based off the popular and rapidly-growing meme. The rating is M, so there are no limits! Send your letter via the review box!
1. Introduction

To whom it may concern,

Based off of personal interests, (and _not_ the suggestions of that bloody Frog,) I have decided to set aside time in my busy schedule for the general public. (I have quite a bit to do you, know…honest! Don't automatically assume I'm lonely!)

Please write your questions, comments, or concerns, place them in a sealed envelope and deposit them in the box below.

Warm regards,

_The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland_

Well…I've decided to begin writing again. It's been quite some time, hasn't it? I'm into the letter-writing meme now, too, it seems…this is rated M, so that means no limits~! Send in your letters through the review box, and I'll do my best to reply to a few of them a day, at least.

Have fun!


	2. Small Talk and Impatience

_Dear Iggy,_

_Happy belated birthday and happy Easter!_

_I was wondering, what is your favourite take-away? Random, I know, but my own_

_happens to be Indian, which I had tonight, yum~!_

_Also, do you drink Earl Grey with an orange slice in it? I find that it_

_doesn't taste right without one..._

_By the way, I miss London, I grew up there~ What is your favourite place_

_there? I personally love Trafalgar Square, though it's kind of sad that the_

_pidgeons aren't there anymore._

_Sorry for all the questions, random ones at that but it is past 3am..._

_Hehehe..._

_Thank you for reading~_

_- Mochirisu_

_P.S. I still live in England, but I have visited France and the USA on_

_holidays... Which of the two nations do you prefer, I wonder?_

Dear Mochirisu,

I take it you heard that vexing nickname from my unfaithful ex-colony? I just don't understand…he's perfectly alright with calling me by name when we're alone!

Ah, well. That's Americans for you, I suppose.

I'd like to wish a happy Easter to you, as well. I'm a bit too hold to get excited over it, but it's still a…routine of mine, I suppose you could say, to preach a short church service.

My favourite take-away..? Mm, I prefer Italian above all else. There's a wonderful family-run restaurant near my apartment in Liverpool…shame that it's shabby and run by a Frenchman. Frogs are capable of ruining nearly every atmosphere, wouldn't you agree?

And don't get the wrong idea…I'm not referring to any certain Frog, and I only continue to mention them because I feel such a passionate hatred towards the French!

An orange slice, hm? Personally, I prefer to drink my Earl Grey plain…I don't drown it with sixteen spoonful's of sugar like a certain bugger I know does with his coffee…but I'd rather not talk about Alfred, because he hasn't called me back ye-

…using a pen was an awful idea. I don't suppose I could scratch that out?

*ahem*

London…? Mm, let me see…the last time I visited London was about three months ago on a business trip. I'm staying with a…friend, at the moment, but I've always been able to find an unmatchable sort of serenity when I'm standing on the bank of the Thames River…Trafalgar Square, hm? Yes, it is quite a shame that the pigeons are gone. I've been meaning to talk with my boss about having a new species imported to try and bring them back, but the recession seems to take up all of my time these days.

Ah, it's perfectly alright. My word, three AM? That's rather late, even for an adult! You ought to turn in for the night-an acquaintance of mine always used to say "Nothing good ever happens after three AM", and I believe every word of it.

Which do I prefer between France and the U.S? Well, it ought to be obvious! You see, I-

…mm, my apologies. It seems my phone is ringing…I suppose I'll have to get back to you on that, if it's alright. I hope to speak with you again soon.

Warmest regards,

Arthur Kirkland

Goodness…I wasn't expecting a letter so soon! I hope you enjoyed writing your letter as much as I did mine, Mochirisu! However, make sure you get a decent night's sleep! You can become very ill from staying up too late, you know!

Until next time, everyone! Au revoir~


	3. Drunken Conversations

_Hi, Iggy!_

_S' me! I'm in Houston right now. That's in Texas! Which is bigger than you! Hahahha!_

_But then, Everythings bigger in Texas. I drank a barrel full of beer, and started to look up porn on the Internet! And MAN have you Brits got some seriously nasty and really hot stuff! You wanna teach me about all the leather and role-play, dude?_

_Oh! And and and- what's up with the unicorns everywhere? That's really not manly...sometimes I wonder...you've got nice eyes. They're real pretty! But your eyebrows are so horrible no one ever notices them! Hahaha LOLOL rofl Trolololol_

_Well, Cu later, Igster!_

_Alfred Jones_

_Hero Extraordinaire_

Alfred,

I know where Houston is, you don't have to tell me. Unlike you, I have maps that show more than my own country…bugger, I'm not _that_ small!

A text message…you're so bloody predictable, America. You couldn't have at least called me? I know you prefer instant-messaging, but I honestly enjoy hearing your voice after a long separation…

Hmph, not that I suppose you would care. It's been nearly three months now…

And how many times must I tell you that bigger isn't always better? In fact, I'm sure you're absolutely wasted at the moment…

I…mm…I suppose I could teach you about it, if it still seems appealing when you're sober…you aren't implying that you want to see me in uniform again, are you?

The unicorns are for…scientific and decorative purposes. Wait…you mean to say you can see them? What about the flying mint bunny? C-Can you see him, too?

M-My eyes…? What on Earth does that have to do with unicorns..? Mm…I believe I know better than to take that as a compliment…

And for god's sake, call me by my _name_!

Slightly frustrated,

Arthur Kirkland

Mm, well…I must admit that I personally prefer FrUk to UsUk, as I grew out of the latter as I became more attached to the fandom, but I did say I was open to anything. I'm rather fond of the pairing, anyway. Thank you for your letter! ^^ Er…drunken text, that is...


	4. Small Talk 2

_Dear Arthur,_

_I admit, I did hear it from Alfred... Sorry if I offended you at all by using that nickname, though! I must admit, it is rather cute hence why I used it, yes~_

_By the way, one is never too old to celebrate Easter! I don't actually have Easter eggs myself. To be honest, the most exciting part of it for me is the bank holidays!_

_It's funny that you mentioned the French seeing as I was actually being talked to by one on the plane back home from the USA. It amused me how he was saying how boring England is and that he was only going there to transfer..._

_Personally I felt that we was going there for other reasons... Have you ever come across Anglophiles? I had a good few run ins with some myself whenever I went abroad. It's the accent apparentally!_

_Anyways, back on topic. Italian is awesome~ Do the Italys ever cook for you? You're pretty lucky if that's the case..._

_Yes, I do love pasta... especially lasagne!_

_Moving on to tea, I can't stand sugar in any kind... And what's this about Alfred? If you see him again, give him a hug from me? Pretty please with a cherry on top? I did enjoy my time in Michigan after all... Which reminds me of another question._

_Is one of Alfred's hands Michigan? I only thought so since the people there refer to it as the mitten, which reminds me of a certain story involving kittens..._

_Please forgive me, I ramble a lot, oops..._

_The River Thames is amazing~ I used to enjoy taking the DLR up to Greenwich just to look over it. One time I saw one of the battleships there! Cue another question, where's the River Thames on you? Sorry if it's personal, I'm just curious~_

_Aww, I hope that the recession isn't being harsh to you~! I can see why bringing the pidgeons back would be a problem though... Apparentally they discouraged them because of... well... mess on the monuments. I feel bad for whoever has cleaning duty.._

_That's a pretty good saying regarding 3am. Luckily I got a lie in due to the Bank Holiday so I'm right as rain, but thank you for the concern! Has anything bad ever happened to you after 3am?_

_Oh! Did Alfred call you back at that point? You can get back to me anytime, since you're most likely very busy most of the time..._

_Thank you for the reply and I look forward to hearing from you too~!_

_Take care~_

_-Mochirisu_

_-_

_To GilbertofPrussia: I really did enjoy typing that letter and this one too! I hope that you'll enjoy responding to this one..._

_I couldn't resist sending a letter so soon! Poor Arthur..._

_And don't worry, I at least sent this at a much more sane time, aka. 6:30pm my time, so hopefully I make more sense!_

_I'll stop now... But this is awesome~! :D_

Dear Mochirisu,

Ah…there's no need to apologize. Even my fellow nations have begun calling me by that nickname, so I suppose it's alright that civilians are, as well…of course, then it's usually followed by squeals of delight or a fair bout of cursing. Why do you think that is?

Come now, I'm pushing more than two thousand years! You're absolutely _positive_ I'm not too old? Mm…yes, the most enjoyable part of any holiday is time off from work. I haven't had any in a while, but I can relate.

Is that so? I'm surprised you weren't sexually violated by him…of course not _all_ Frogs are as perverse as _the_ Frog, but you can never be sure.

Wha-that's rubbish! I-I'm not _boring_! Humph…well, what did you tell him?

Anglophiles…? Unfortunately, yes…more often than not, it's when I visit America or talk with tourists, but I can fake a Southern accent rather well, so I've learned to avoid them well enough. Of course, there _was_ that unfortunate accident with that group of men on the trolley…

*ahem* Of course, I'd rather not bring bad memories to light.

The Italian brothers _do_ cook for me from time to time, actually…usually it's because they've accidentally wandered into my territory, only to be dragged out by the Kraut…

And as to be expected, their pasta is better than any I've ever tasted in a restaurant. You're right- I consider myself _very_ lucky. O-Of course, my own cooking is more delicious than anyone's…

Honestly, I must agree with you there…sugar ruins the flavor and dulls the senses, and I can't stand to drink tea with it. Which reminds me…when you visited America, did you sample the sweet tea? Three cups of sugar per gallon…my word…

_When_ I see him again, indeed…he sent me a text message last night, so I suppose I'm not _as_ upset with him…yes, alright, I will. I'll send him your regards, as well.

Michigan? That's a very good question, though I'm afraid I don't know the answer. I've could ask Alfred for you, though, if you like…hm…if they refer to it as the mitten, though, I wouldn't doubt the possibility of it being one of his hands.

Kittens and mittens..? Reminds me of a nursery rhyme…or did you have something else in mind?

Yes, it is quite spectacular…hm? It's a birthmark, oddly enough…light-brown, just above my abdomen. Doesn't look much like a river, but I don't believe there are rules for these sorts of things.

It's harsh on everyone, but I suppose I have it easier than others…we'll just have to wait and hope that it picks back up again, won't we?

Ah, yes, unfortunately…the population became much too large, so they decided to be rid of them completely. If only I had a decent argument to propose to my boss…if you were to ask my opinion, though, he's not the most reasonable man on the planet.

Well, I've always done my best to live by it. Some things can't be helped, of course, but that's the way life is…you were able to sleep in, then? That's good. If you don't have your health, than you've got nothing! …except for the unicorns, of course, but they'll always be there.

As I said, he sent me a text late last night…apparently he's in Texas, getting wasted. I'm not going to go save his sorry arse this time, I promise you that! Not even if he begs…

Ah, you're more than welcome! It's a pleasant change to have someone intelligent to talk with…after all, my magic friends are hopeless and the other nations are even more so.

Warmest regards,

Arthur Kirkland

GOP to Mochirisu- As expected, this is a lot of fun. ;) I can see why the meme's become so popular!

Haha, poor Arthur indeed. He has to put up with an awful lot, doesn't he? ^^

Ah, don't worry about it! Your first letter was coherent enough, and I'm glad you slept well.

Until next time, everyone! Au revoir~


End file.
